“We’ve removed the tumor without any more damage being done, and since then you’ve been asleep, for about a week now.”“What do you mean any more damage?” asked Aaron.“There was some permanent damage done to your inner ear which will inhibit you from walking freely for long without losing balance. You shouldn’t have too much of a problem though with a cane and walking along walls,” the doctor said plain and straight. “It would be wise to be accompanied by someone you trust at anytime you decide to walk outside your home.”Aaron felt shot. He could never do anything alone again. He was going to need help everywhere he went. He was going to have trouble standing up. He could only think of all the ways the kids at school would treat him. Like he was different; how he was to be pitied; he hated what he was hearing. Summer break was nearing end and he had nothing but to assume that this was the worst summer any kid could have. He could never walk without some sort of help again for the rest. My father raped me on the spot. At first, I hid the truth from my mother, because dad had pleaded with me and promised that he would never touch me again. It was the alcohol that made him do it, he insisted. He even swore to me that he wouldn't drink anymore. However, within two weeks, I had missed my period, and from then on it was all downhill for him.On mama's insistence and my testimony, my father was sent to prison.During the interim fourteen years, my life has been a personal Hell. I have not been able to have a lasting relationship with any of the men in my life because the memory of the incestuous incident is so deep-seated in my psyche. Even my short-lived relationships have been without sex because of my fears of older men (father figures). Needless to say, my inner sexual feelings were often in turmoil.Yet, as I get older (I am 29 years old now) I often think of my father and I sometimes wonder whether he was truly at fault or was it 'in him'? Could it have been in his.
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